That note.

Things are over.

Like they were before.

I don't think we have ever let it go this far.

I look at pictures of when I met you.

And part of me sees some of that person in who you are now.

And for fleeting moments I see through the pretentious douchebag you have become.

For a while I love you again.

I remember caring so much about you..

And I remember what absolutely wonderful times we shared.

I told you everything. Everything.

And you were everything to me.

Inseparable.

I never thought you were capable of breaking my heart.

And here you are. Here we are.

Like fucking poison to each other.

Spiteful, angry, and hurt from all angles.

And I will never know why.

I think its when you left me.

And I was scared and alone..

I made mistakes you would never let me live down.

And from that point on.

Those mistakes are all you let yourself see of me.

Even when I improved myself.

When I found myself again.

It was never going to matter.

Even when you said there was a chance.

Our relationship became nothing more than me trying to apologize.

And falling behind faster than I could keep up.

The few moments when you actually wanted me back..

I was terrified.

And I would sabotage any efforts.

After all that had happened..

How could I ever be worth anything to you?

I didn't want to spend my whole life in your debt.

Its stupid that these are the things that ruined us.

The things I did to get by without you.

The mistakes I made in crazed desperation.

That is what ended up defining me.

And I know you will never look back and smile the way I want you to.

At the months we shared together.. Inseparable.. And disgustingly happy.

I always looked at you and saw my future.

And it hurts to see you as my past.

And such a distant past.. That I have forgotten what you looked like then.

And only these stupid still frames can bring me back to you.

Back to the comfort of having you.

And the pain of losing you.. Over.. and over.. and over.

That note I wrote you.

The one I hid in your backpack.

I still mean it.

I mean every word.

And I know its all more true now than it ever was.

And more necessary for you to have.

Maybe you can remember me the way I was when I wrote it.

Before everything blew up in our faces.

Before I melted into this disgusting mess I've made.

I'm sorry I couldn't stay your best thing forever.

And I am sorry I let you down.