It hurts to realize that I'm not one of them anymore.

I'm not fun-loving and easy going.

I used to be.

But something cracked, something broke beyond belief.

I got defensive and nervous, scared and awkward.

I'm withdrawn and distant.

Too real to fake the things that would make me seem familiar.

Make me seem like the person I was when they met me.

I'm not. I've been through too much with nobody beside me.

And I'm different now.

I've lost so much of the hope and excitement I used to have.

I can't laugh at stupid jokes.

I can't kick back and relax.

We are all on such different pages.

I feel like there isn't a single person I can relate to lately.

I feel like I am either being judged for my emotions or being analyzed and lectured.

I want to go back to who I was before so much of these past few years.

I miss being genuinely happy.

I miss my tiny tummy and tan.

I miss feeling like I had some potential.

I'm craving acceptance somewhere.. anywhere.

I want to be me again.

It hurts, it burns even.

The sun is rising and I promise myself..

Tomorrow.. Tomorrow.. Tomorrow..

That will be the day this will all end.

I will stop this.

I am in charge of this.

I will literally run the bad thoughts of you from my mind.

Run until I am so exhausted.. you are the furthest thing from me.

You fuck my friends like I never mattered.

I lose respect for them almost as much as I have for you.

The people in my life are garbage.

You have made them garbage.

I hate you.

I want to move, leave, escape you.

I will try.

I will try my hardest.

I hope your faults destroy you.