Post Four.

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has them but nobody wants to hear from them.

Precisely.

Going through a difficult thing. I feel the need to rely on friends. But I have realized that they provide less comfort than the strangers I meet. This has happened consistently. Does this mean I have imperfect friends? Does it mean that strangers, with a fresh perspective, can give me better advice? Or are strangers simply more eager to please you? I have no idea.

I am exhausted by the competitive edge people tend to have in conversations like these. Trying to top each other's stories of how they have been wronged. Needing to have the last word. Unsuccessfully convincing one another that your own individual life path is more on track. I wonder when people lost compassion. I wonder when they started caring about their hierarchy more than humanity.

I ask for a minute of time in return for the friendship I have offered in the past. But it simply falls flat, constantly. I feel the need to relocate, simply up and move. Not because I want to run away, but because I have tried so many times to make these things work and it doesn't seem hopeful. The new people I meet seem so much nicer but still my lingering past is like a dead weight. Constantly disapproving of my feelings and decisions as if they are things I could or even want to change. I feel worn out trying to combat everything that seems to be up against me. And I feel completely alone in that battle. I don't feel weak, just alone.

I have made the decision to turn my back for a while on the people and things that bring me down. I am going to devote my time to myself instead. I don't need their approval or advice. And they don't need to know about what I'm up to or where I'm going. This is it, and I'm jumping. I have been craving respect and dignity. So here begins the hunt and climb.

Before I can let these new people in who I think of so highly, I need to believe I am worth their time. I will hold my head up high and continue on with my passions and dreams. I will trust in my talent and good nature. Once surrounded by the positive people I seek.. life will make the turn I have been seeking for what seems like so long now. It will not be easy.. But it will be the first thing I have done solely to make myself a better person in longer than I can remember.